Blog-aholic.

Everyone seems to be Blogging these days.

Which makes me so outrageously,stalkishly,fanatically thrilled.

I love reading about other peoples thoughts/opinions and views on the most intense or random subjects of life.

Its just so refreshing.

I have seen a pattern here,people seem to investigate their minds for thoughts and questions,they quite frankly,think that aren't important enough for normal life and they stow one "useless" thought upon an other and in no time,in my eyes,i get to experience what it likes being them.

Through Blogging,i have realised that,the friend that has always been the confident and bubbly one,wants to run away and never look back and the shy girl in my class,writes the best "amateur "poems,i have read in a very long time.

I think,I have found something about me that I never really knew how to explain.I love distorting peoples perception about other people.I try to make people realise that there are numerous facets of a persons personality.It all is kinda selfish really because to some extent,the only reason i do try to make people not stereotype is because i love surprising people and saying "i told you so.."seems very immature,but Oh well.

Breathe...

"We are on the eve of death"-Said a close friend

and my reaction,you may ask? 

Well, A very timid and quite smile.

Its interesting how the Blog-sphere is full of people bitching about the dreaded result day and of course,i understand their nervousness,apprehensions and fear but some how i just seem to be living in a bubble outside of this pit of sadness.

Don't get me wrong,I have my hours in which "I KNOW I AM GOING TO FAIL" but it seems like i posses magic powers and i just "snap out" of it.Though,of course i know,i don't really have magic powers(i truly wish i did ) but what i do have is a very very realistic mind and when this God bestowed mind realizes how unproductive all this mourning is BEFORE you even know what your result is going to be,its kind off shuts off on me.

We all will know,if we are going to flunk or exceed but until we don't,lets just all take a deep breath and know that us wrapping our selves with our preconceived notions of failure or success is not going to help us,in any way.

So,lets just enjoy the one peaceful day we have left,until we get harassed by relatives and friends asking

"kya aya "

Teasingly Familair

His arms felt like jagged stones,wrapped around me.

His breath cold as ice.

His stare as devious as Satan.

I knew my whole world was changing,disappearing and dissolving.

It was crashing down,tumbling and in the distant i could hear her whispering,

"Its Over.Its Done.Its Over.Its Done....."

He tangled his hands in my hair and drew me close,so teasingly familiar.

Just when i knew it was The End.

My whole world began to burn and like a jolt of life.I was back to reality.

Time is such a tease

People change .Its a fact of life.I have changed quite a lot in the past 3 years .I have lost friends ,made new friends and fought with friends.

Sometimes i feel like my old friends reflect a whole different side of me,a side that i can very happily say i don't want to exhibit any more.Its weird how at one point of my life,i was making plans to see the world with these people and now i can't seem to have a five minute conversation with them, without feeling insulted,judged and over whelmed.I am disappointed in myself that my once feelings of excitement and joy have changed to such negativity but even with all the differences and scorned feelings,i can't bear to let go of them.They are my past .They tell the stories of how i became who i am today .Even if the "today" version of me can't coincide with my "older" version .

I just wonder,if i have grown such an immense amount in a couple of years and i am only 18 ,what does the rest of my life behold ?Will i be a whole new different person next year the same time?
Time is such a tease. It slows down when you want it to go faster and speeds up when you want it to go slow .Father Time,you are surly something.

I am making no sense , its just that i feel like i am fighting to keep whatever is left of my old friendships.Fighting daily and it aggravates me that my old friends can't seem to do the same.

The People

There are people in this world , people who seem to astound me.
They walk among us assuming that they blend in but Oh No they don't.
These are people who I never fail to miss in a crowd.They don't seem out of the ordinary from the outside but inside,in there hearts,They are so completely and utterly different.In a world filled with power struggles and a day to day routine of showing off your various possessions.These people are the folks who stop on there way to work,just so they can help a old person cross the street ,they share,rather than show off,not because it would look rude but because they want too.These people spend there lives helping others or trying to help others.
They are extraordinary.
I admire them to my deepest core.Let me rephrase that,I admire anyone who has put a stranger in front of them.Opened a door for someone they didn't know or bought something useless from the old man sitting at the corner just because they could take some money back home.Oh I don't have words to explain my gratitude and to be honest that doesn't happen often.You know,I always somehow envied my friends who had a clear cut image of who they aspired to be,some wanted to be like there mothers or some wanted to be significant public figure.I never knew what kind of person i would love to be.I think I can say I know now.I want to be part of ,The People.I want to give a huge cyber round of applause to anyone who has ever done a random act of kindness.I know no matter how small or insignificant you may think it may be,it was truly appreciated.

 Real generosity is doing something nice for someone who will never find out. ~Frank A. Clark

Life is wonderful

I am Happy .
I am extremely Happy.
I have spent the first week of my summer vacation provoking my mind to make the most of the little things in life .I have some how started enjoying cleaning my room ,because i look at all my things and feel grateful that i can afford them .It takes me one look at my maid who spends her days cleaning after my messes to realize how gratified i should be .Its amazing how even after spending the day in  humidity and walking in the scorching sun,she comes to me and always prays for my result and my future.
Even the load shedding hasn't been bothering me.
.I feel indebted to God that i can Smell,Touch,Talk,Listen,Walk,See and so many other things .After taking Biology for 3 years i know how delicate the balance is of creating a functional human being from scratch.If only one thing had gone wrong , i might not be the person i am today .
How can i have over looked such things all my life ? How is it that i payed no attention to any of these things for 18 years ?
I am so profoundly thankful for everything in my life and i hope everyone takes some time in there day to realize how much they have to cherish .
Life is wonderful ,isn't it ?

I want that moment

Time seems to be suspended when you reach that crucial moment in your life,that moment when a hundred million thoughts are going through your mind .A single yes or no can change your life forever .
I WANT THAT MOMENT !

I am sick of the same old routine , the same old faces.I love my life ,i love everything about it but i want to experience something new ,something that will take my breath away and make my eyes go wide.I want to jump in the big world ,head first without a helmet, ready to embrace disappointment ,rejection and surprise .
Am i the only one who spends there days thinking about  leaving home? Leaving everything  they know and starting it new ?Even when there is nothing wrong with there life ?
I feel like my heart is about to explode ,it has so many dreams inside ,so many fears that i have yet to face .Is it stupid of me to actually want to be tested and challenged ?

You are REALLY from Faisalabad?

I love Pakistan.
I love living in Pakistan .
I love how the whole country gets together when Pakistan is playing India and roots for Pakistan even if they don't have the slightest interest in cricket .
I understand the corruption , the terrorism  and even the class-ism

Than we come to the issue ,in my eyes ,that is discriminating on people because of where they live.SIGH. 
 If only i got a dollar for every time i heard the phrase " YOU are really from Faisalabad?  this statement follows with "how do you live in that place,isn't that place full of (according to them) paindo log".
 WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN?
 Is Faisalabad, as a city, not capable of breeding young individuals who have an opinion ?
Is there a national law that states small cities can only have residents who are" paindo" that i am unaware off?
An acquaintance of mine casually stated " You guys must never talk to guys right?"
My reply was :"Oh of course not,we are also forced into getting married at the age of 13" (Note:Sarcasm)

I knew Faisalabad was regarded as a small ,conservative city but i never knew the extent and now that i know i am appalled.I am sick of Faisalabad being treated as a joke and its time for me to speak up .
I wonder what gift has been bestowed upon Karachi ,Lahore and Islamabad that some residents think that they are The Best " of the country?
What kind of extraordinary experiences have people who live in big cities have had that make them think that everyone else still lives in the dark ages where we ride in our steam powered cars and women are locked inside their houses before sundown?I have the same dreams,aspirations,wants and needs as anyone who lives in  Karachi,Lahore or Islamabad and i want everyone to know that .

Let me let you in on a secret ,Faisalabad or any other small city is as capable of producing smart,intellectual,powerful and passionate individuals as any other "big" city in Pakistan.
Why is it that a person is categorized "uncool " the minute they hear that they reside from a small city ?

Personally,the only thing that is different from a person living in a small city compared to a big city is,we get less pollution,less traffic and less terrorism attacks.Which sounds pretty good to me. 

I want everyone to think for a second before they start bashing people who live in small towns and cities.Is this the example we want to set ? What exactly does the word "paindo" mean ? 

My chemistry book swears !

There are several thoughts going through my head , the loudest being " DON'T FAIL IN CHEMISTRY "
I am sitting here and i can see my chemistry book staring at me with dismay from the corner of my eye .If it could speak it would probably say something like " You need to PICK ME UP and stop procrastinating ,sure ill only bring boredom into your life ...but life is a bitch" Yes My chemistry book swears in my head .
Isn't that wonderful? (note sarcasm )

Its that time of the year again when we all scurry around in our rooms ,taking out long forgotten books from there hiding places so we can fill our minds with stuff that we quite frankly will never use

How many years do i have to do this again? 

Why is it that all the non study related productive thoughts in my head only manifest in the middle of exam season ?A time when i can't physically will myself to do anything except study. How i long for summer .Plain Good Old Pakistani Summer .I am waiting for the time when Facebook statuses are more diverged towards the "i am bored " or " its so hot " category rather than the " i have a final " or " Allah haffiz guys , i am deactivating my Facebook " genre .I can't wait to re organize my closet a hundred times solely because i can  .I want to stuff my self in my red chair next to my books ,getting lost in the words of my favorite authors .Oh summer ,how can you bring sadness to anyone ?
 
Of course now my alarm goes off , stating that my allotted time for me to save my sanity has expired ,So i  am off too burying my head in my books with a huge cup of coffee .This is how i am coping with my unbelievably strange journey through exam season . I hope whoever (if anyone ) is reading this, isn't as completely miserably as i am .